That scary little creature, all green and intimidating!  That’s right that big bad Lima bean scared me!  OK, it didn’t really scare me, I think it’s food in general that scares me!

I’ve had such a messed up relationship with food for a long time.  I would eat too much, eat the wrong foods, go on crazy diets, and then start it all over again.  I’ve read every book and talked to every expert.  There are people I trust and those I think are full of crap(did I really think cabbage soup would change my life)!  The things we will buy into with the promise of a quick fix and having dreams come true!  I guess it took us all awhile to realize- the big fat guy in the red suit is not real either(although it didn’t take me 30 years to figure that one out)!

So, over the last couple of years I’ve decided I’m going to get healthy and fit and fuel my body with good foods.  The problem comes with information overload.  It may sound crazy, but I now have a fear of “messing up”.  I fear choosing the wrong food, at the wrong time, for the wrong purpose.  I have a few people and books I trust immensely, I know the information is good and they all have the same basic principals,with a few different opinions about certain things.  Eat real food, watch portion size, if I can’t pronounce it-don’t eat it, drink water, make my plate up mostly of veggies( the phrase in our house is your colours), but balance it with good high fibre low GI carbohydrates and protein.

Sounds simple right?  Well, not in the head of a messed up, life long committed (or should be committed dieter!   I start out doing great.  Then I start to distrust myself, my knowledge and what I believe.  I get scared I’m going to disappoint the people I trust (certainly not their fault-they have no idea how crazy I can be about food .  I start obsessing about the minute differences in their ideas.  I start to second guess myself.

So in getting back on track after the summer, (which was not a total disaster, but not my regular routine), I decide I’m going to start using my cookbooks a bit more.  I have a few I believe in Tosca Reno, jillian micheals “master your metabolism” and a wonderful cookbook that was written by a group of warrior women(a fundraiser for my friend with breast cancer), it’s full of cancer fighting, mom friendly healthy recipes.

So I pick a recipe, cashew butter and lima bean stir fry, I served with quinoa for us and whole wheat pasta for the kids.  So there I was staring at the big bad lima bean!  Does this meal fit into my plan, it’s not exactly what I’m supposed to eat, and “butter” is in the title!! So I dove in- I conquered my fear and took down that lima bean-it never had a chance

It was delicious, there was no other fat source in there, loads of veggies, lean chicken and quinoa.  You’d swear from my anxiety I was about to down a double big mac!  As hard has it is I have to go for it, trust myself and teach my kids about good food and not to be scared of a bean-just my husband after he eats them!  Someday I’ll have to tell you about my banana dilemma, do I eat them at all, afternoon or morning, in other foods-madness!

So go ahead, take down that lima bean!  I have to trust myself.  I know there are times when intense analysis of food is important for certain people, but I’m a mom with a mission to get healthier and fit, and raise my kids to not be obsessed with food, and damn it, not to be scared of a lima bean!  I think I’m a reasonably intelligent and rational(OK, this may be pushing it) person, but intelligent yes!  So tonight I will cook something delicious from Jillian micheal’s cookbook with great easy healthy ingredients!

So if you see someone looking dazed, confused and hiding out near the turnips, go ahead and  say hi-it might be me!

I’m not sure I’ve ever truly trusted myself!! What’s your philosphy on food,fear,and how we mess with our own heads!?

many hugs

T