That scary little creature, all green and intimidating!  That’s right that big bad Lima bean scared me!  OK, it didn’t really scare me, I think it’s food in general that scares me!

I’ve had such a messed up relationship with food for a long time.  I would eat too much, eat the wrong foods, go on crazy diets, and then start it all over again.  I’ve read every book and talked to every expert.  There are people I trust and those I think are full of crap(did I really think cabbage soup would change my life)!  The things we will buy into with the promise of a quick fix and having dreams come true!  I guess it took us all awhile to realize- the big fat guy in the red suit is not real either(although it didn’t take me 30 years to figure that one out)!

So, over the last couple of years I’ve decided I’m going to get healthy and fit and fuel my body with good foods.  The problem comes with information overload.  It may sound crazy, but I now have a fear of “messing up”.  I fear choosing the wrong food, at the wrong time, for the wrong purpose.  I have a few people and books I trust immensely, I know the information is good and they all have the same basic principals,with a few different opinions about certain things.  Eat real food, watch portion size, if I can’t pronounce it-don’t eat it, drink water, make my plate up mostly of veggies( the phrase in our house is your colours), but balance it with good high fibre low GI carbohydrates and protein.

Sounds simple right?  Well, not in the head of a messed up, life long committed (or should be committed dieter!   I start out doing great.  Then I start to distrust myself, my knowledge and what I believe.  I get scared I’m going to disappoint the people I trust (certainly not their fault-they have no idea how crazy I can be about food .  I start obsessing about the minute differences in their ideas.  I start to second guess myself.

So in getting back on track after the summer, (which was not a total disaster, but not my regular routine), I decide I’m going to start using my cookbooks a bit more.  I have a few I believe in Tosca Reno, jillian micheals “master your metabolism” and a wonderful cookbook that was written by a group of warrior women(a fundraiser for my friend with breast cancer), it’s full of cancer fighting, mom friendly healthy recipes.

So I pick a recipe, cashew butter and lima bean stir fry, I served with quinoa for us and whole wheat pasta for the kids.  So there I was staring at the big bad lima bean!  Does this meal fit into my plan, it’s not exactly what I’m supposed to eat, and “butter” is in the title!! So I dove in- I conquered my fear and took down that lima bean-it never had a chance

It was delicious, there was no other fat source in there, loads of veggies, lean chicken and quinoa.  You’d swear from my anxiety I was about to down a double big mac!  As hard has it is I have to go for it, trust myself and teach my kids about good food and not to be scared of a bean-just my husband after he eats them!  Someday I’ll have to tell you about my banana dilemma, do I eat them at all, afternoon or morning, in other foods-madness!

So go ahead, take down that lima bean!  I have to trust myself.  I know there are times when intense analysis of food is important for certain people, but I’m a mom with a mission to get healthier and fit, and raise my kids to not be obsessed with food, and damn it, not to be scared of a lima bean!  I think I’m a reasonably intelligent and rational(OK, this may be pushing it) person, but intelligent yes!  So tonight I will cook something delicious from Jillian micheal’s cookbook with great easy healthy ingredients!

So if you see someone looking dazed, confused and hiding out near the turnips, go ahead and  say hi-it might be me!

I’m not sure I’ve ever truly trusted myself!! What’s your philosphy on food,fear,and how we mess with our own heads!?

many hugs

T

Falling of the path, something I know well….

This time though I won’t let my miss step lead me down the wrong path.  About 5 months ago I decided to take charge of my life, In a sense it was a continuation of a journey I chose to take last year-to get fit and healthy.  I’ve been doing a great job putting in my time exercising, sticking with a healthy food plan, accepting that my progress has been slow, not extreme but permanent.

Sure, I’d had a few stumbles and trips along the way, but nothing that took me off my path, I had a destination and I stuck with the map.

The phrase JOURNEY gets tossed around a lot in the circles of weight loss books, blogs and videos.  Some people dismiss it as another catch phrase, but I actually find it truly appropriate.

When we seek out a destination and take a journey we need a plan, a route to get to where we need to go.  It’s important to realize obstacles may appear, there may be detours, your vehicle may not function exactly as you had hoped and depending on who your travel companions are you will have great support or endless discouragement.

Those left behind may wish they were in your place and give praise, while others will dismiss your travels as ridiculous and say it has changed you too much.  I never again leave on a trip and choose someone for the passenger seat that will simply sit next to me and remind me of all my insecurities, tell me this is a ridiculous idea, that I’m taking the wrong route or that I really didn’t want to go in the first place-NO thanks-I’m leaving you at the curb!

So much like that road trip, the way to a healthy life, living slim, fit and healthy is a journey.  A week and half ago I went from a incredible level of motivation to stumbling off the path in big way.  I allowed all those detours, negative thoughts, and insecurities to creep back in.  I stopped exercising and ate crap for 5 days.

Then something happened, I remembered some wise words from two of my mentors.

* During a Scottish woodland hike one day with Thor Holt we talked about falling off the path-that a few bad days or even weeks is not the end, not worth giving up completely.  That it’s like tripping and falling over some branches and merely stepping out of the path, not as if I’d turned around and ran full speed back to the beginning, I haven’t broken both of my legs or have no idea where I need to go-I just need to step back on and keep going.

* A couple of weeks ago before my trainer Christina left for a month she gave me a few words to live by.  I think she may have been more aware of my up coming challenges than I was!  She’s always been incredibly supportive and inspiring, facing challenges head on.  She encouraged me to remember how far I’ve come, to appreciate how strong I am mentally and physically, to trust my body and mind, and to believe I deserve what I want. I should not give up, to remember the work we’ve done to make my knee healthy, strong and pain free.  If I do nothing else get my cardio in and do my knee exercises.  Believe in myself.

So that’s what I did, I did all of those things.  I stepped back on the path, remembered how far I’ve come, went to sleep with my running shoes and ipod at my bedside, and set my alarm.  I got up, got dressed, turned on some kickass music, did 45 minutes of cardio(1/2 hour up hill walk and 15 on spin bike-not my normal hour,but back on the path), did lunges, one leg squats and 100 “baby” crunches!! I’m back! I still need to make sure my laces are tied tight and my map stays close but I’m now headed in the right direction again-not stopping and turning back this time! Oh and a little coffee always helps any road trip

What’s your thoughts, have you ever stumbled and fallen down, what made you get back up and keep going?

Credit where credit is due

www.evolvesportsfitness.com

www.thorholt.com