“It’s a lifestyle -not a diet”…..heard tonight on another commercial promoting a pill/supplement that will aid in weight loss!  The latest catch phrase in the diet industry.  I call bullshit!  I’ve felt this has been coming for awhile with me, I’ve decided that over the last few weeks I have been truly changing my life.

I finally stepped away from the scale(with the help of my trainer), I don’t need it!  For 30 years since the age of 8 I’ve allowed it to define me.  From the pure bliss when the numbers go down to complete devastation when the numbers go up or stay the same.  I’ve been told for years that my life is defined by a number.

When I was 8 I stepped on a scale for the first time and was told I was too heavy. When I look back on pictures I was a sad little girl fed the wrong foods and living in a crazy world.  I had chubby cheeks and probably could have used to run around outside and ride my bike little more, but instead I was denied certain foods and my reward would be a blue sweater from the sears catalogue(One that I wanted for a long time)-funny thing is, I don’t remember if I got that sweater or not!

What I do know is that it was the beginning of a very fucked up relationship with food and the scale!! Nothing else has ever mattered to me in my relationship with fitness and health other than the scale!  I have messed up my body, I have starved, I have binged, I have have thought about food every minute of the day-but more in relation to how it will affect the scale, not for what it will contribute to my body! http://tammysmirror.com/2010/03/the-scale-the-ultimate-key-to-failure/

Last year I met someone that opened my eyes and changed my life http://tammysmirror.com/2010/07/how-do-i-say-thank-you/ He introduced me to the concept of loving what I do when it related to being active and taught me that it’s OK to live outside the box, to be myself when it came to my health and life.  I started to understand my body, health, honesty, dealing with my relationship with food and the scale.  I lost weight slowly that year and I’ve kept evey pound off-with limited focus on the scale for the first time ever!

One common thread that kept coming up over and over—Why was so ballsy, gutsy, successful and fearless in the other aspects of my life but not when it came to getting fit and losing weight?  Self sabotage, undeserving, doing what was expected of me and being completely absorbed and ruled by the scale comes to mind. It was as if anything that involved weight loss left me weak, dependent and defeated. I was once told I’m supposed to have some big epiphany and until I do I will not succeed, that may true for some people…….but here’s what hit me today-my big epiphany is that I don’t need one, I’m changing my life not a damn light bulb-this is going to take a bit more time than that!!!

I want to scream-I am changing my life!!!!! Not words to be thrown around easily, it’s a long tough process.  I won’t be inside the box.  The reason for my other successes has been my determination, commitment, knowledge, loyalty and trust.  Doing things my way doesn’t mean I do it alone-it means surrounding myself with people that believe in me, that will allow me exist outside the box while I fix the damage I’ve done to my body, to allow me and remind to focus on the positive.  People that will kick my ass when needed, because I’m human and I will struggle at times.

I feel energized at the thought of it, tonight I finally feel relaxed and my lack of sleep is not because I’m beating myself up over the fact that I had a small piece of cake but because everyday this week I took steps towards a healthy life, my clothes fit better, my muscles are forming every time I lift a weight, with every step up and every punch my heart thanks me, every squat and leg exercise helps mend my injured knee and yes….the fact that I’m wearing shorts today(last year I wouldn’t consider it for a second outside of my workouts).

I will no longer devalue my body, my mind, my soul or that gutsy person I can be, because of the scale.  It doesn’t mean that I now get to slack off in my efforts it just means my body will tell what’s happening not the scale, I will still continue to work with my incredibly supportive trainer, coach, doctor, chiropractor and massage therapist to solve problems and move forward.

Today I had an “easy out” of my workout, but I figured out a way to get it done anyway-not because of what it was going to do for the scale but because of what it does for my body and mind-and because I love it!!  I was not worried about whether or not I was wearing the exact clothes as last week, ate the same food, drank the same amount of water etc, because there was no weigh in-I had one focus-the workout!!

I will not shorten my life span with the stress caused by the scale!  Changing my life doesn’t mean I get a new number on the scale! I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed-I am eager to see what further changes are going to happen to my mind and body and I will truly appreciate what has already happened!

Surround yourself by people who make you believe in you!

What do you think-what does changing your life really mean?